Most of my clients ask about relationships, what they are really asking is about how to get their needs met. Just reading this will help, but it's likely not to totally sink in unless we really talk about that 'significant' other and communicate about this situation on the phone. Which means working at the process.
I work as an intuitive coach.
Here's some of what you will hear from my coaching.
communication and negotiation skills in your relationships.
(Leave these angels here on the web unless you negotiate (ask my permission) for them....you certainly don't want to steal an angel.)
I have learned all about communication from Spirit for the last twenty years. It is where most of our karma comes into play. Read on to find out why you are sad about some of your relationships.
Why Communicate with others (others: parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, significant others) to get what you desire?
Because each of us has the desire to have our needs met. What are our needs? That is a good question to ask self. To ask ourselves what do we need from another? And if we find that we are needy. Needy means that you want another to love you when you don't love you. You want another to make you feel better when you don't make yourself feel better. You want to trust another when you don't trust yourself.
The other person in your relationship is also an angel... (just like you) Their spirit is Source Energy. Which means we are all spirits trying to be human. Being human isn't easy.
Good communication starts with knowing your self well enough to know what a healthy relationship looks like. If you don't have a model for that, let's continue this dialog. You can admit that something is happening inside of you, stirring the desire for you to finally stand up for yourself and to treat yourself as a real person. So, what do you do first? You go and ask the person if they care enough about 'you' to work things out with you?
If they don't care then you have to let go of the situation and move on (forgiving your self) and then the other person and then God. This is important so you can let go of that karma and never have to repeat it. The karma is the lesson of the issue that you didn't understand to begin with. If they say yes, they do want to sit down and work things through, well then.....
Think about the other person as if they are truly an angel, they aren't trying to purposefully not be there for you. They are not purposefully out to hurt you. They are wrapped up in their own perspective about the world in which they live. They are doing their best to survive. So give them the benefit of the doubt. The second thing to do is to start the conversation knowing how much they value you. You can even acknowledge your appreciation verbally to them because they cared enough to sit down to negotiate with you. Tell them you greatly appreciate their love and their effort. See the other's good quality's and tell them that first. Hey, here is what I really like about you!
Know what you want to say, before you blurt out your confusion. I want this from you, what do you want from me?
Now what if they really did hurt you on purpose?
The story I have to illustrate this hurt, is about my client. Her husband left his shoes on the floor. The shoes on the floor represented to the wife that she wasn't loved. The husband had no idea that this is what his shoes were "saying" to her. When he became aware of this, he put his shoes away.
Like the wife in that story, you choose to be hurt about what you consider important to you. Actually, no one can truly hurt you, you chose the reaction of hurt. The other person might not be purposefully hurting you, because they aren't even conscious of what they are doing? Some people don't have a pathway in the brain to even 'get' what you are trying to tell them. This is very very sad, but true.
However you must own your part in the situation. Meaning: your stuff or blind spots of what you don't see about yourself. Your perspective isn't the only true and righteous one. Your hurt is just your reaction that you are acting out. You are not perfect and neither is the other person. You could be reacting because your frustrated with trying to find the words that really express how the action (not the person) made you feel. You have got to get to know you. Which means you have to talk to you. Schedule an appointment with you.
What is your vision together? Is it family, is it companionship, is it money?
Vision of the relationship is (what you want as both want) in the relationship.
Everyone is here on this planet (is an angel) trying to be human. So when you try to negotiate, don't get mad. Do not bring up the past with them, their other issues, your frustration, your stuff. It is always our stuff that we heap on to others. We will reveal to them how we feel about ourselves. For instance, we can say to them, "I don't trust you!" and who we really don't trust is ourselves. Because we didn't do our best to clearly 'see' the relationship and communicate to them about what we perceived about the relationship.
They do not have to own our belief system. They do not have to be mind readers and know the ideal behavior we are believing that they should do. The 'should do' is up to us to communicate to them. So don't expect to get anywhere if you are not willing to negotiate. Negotiation means you have to give something in return that you might not want to give. You are both giving in order to have the vision you share, work.
.............we all want what we want. We have to give and not expect another to be a mind reader.
So ask the other, what do you want, here is what I want. Usually it's the same thing. (someone fun to be with) Usually, what the people in the relationship need is a discussion about their vision. What about your common goals and what are you trying to accomplish together. What the agreement is between both parties? What are you both hoping the outcome will be?
If the other person or (even you)... can't stop interrupting the other until they are finished talking. Because this discussion might be bringing up issues that the other person doesn't want to look at or you don't want to look at. Everyone becomes defensive and are still holding grudges about past mistakes. If you are getting no-where in communication with them, then have some intelligence to ask the other person (sweetly) to listen to you for ten minutes without interruption. You are telling them you are really wanting to be heard. That you have something to say. It's important that you say what you need to say. You can bring a clock to the table. Then the other person gets ten minutes, (without your interruption).
If you don't know how to express yourself to the highest level of what you are wanting to say, talk with me on the phone I will help coach the process.
Negotiation means just that, negotiation. Negotiation means trusting the other to follow through. Can you trust your own self to be an angel and follow through?
Negotiation looks like, I want this, hey, what do you want? Negotiation then asks, can I follow through to help you with that? Can I praise you for following through because I recognize this isn't easy for you, because it isn't easy for me.
Can you actually trust your self to praise the other when they do negotiate to give you something you want. Also each time they do give you what you negotiated for, can you really recognize that it wasn't the easiest thing in the world for them. Will you remember, (write it on the back of your hand) I need to praise them so they will continue. Remember when you beat someone up verbally, they stop doing for you, because there is no reward in it.
Don't get frustrated and say they should just know what you want. They are frustrated and saying you should just know what they want? Stubbornness and unwillingness makes for aloneness. The payoff is you get to be alone or in a relationship you hate. If you want support, I'm available. Nothing is more important then your happiness.
Please e-mail me...I will answer
A psychic appointment is $30.00 a 1/2 hour and $55.00 an hour
If you can think of anything else you would like to ask, I will answer right away
More on resolution in communication, keep scrolling down:
Do you talk to you? Think of how you can be aware of your behavior patterns. Why you react, what is the root cause?
Take the sword of light and cut through your thoughts that don't work for you. Those thoughts that keep you from loving you.
Let someone help you by telling you what you might not be seeing. We all "see" others behavior pretty clearly. My work allows Spirit to let me know what your blind spots are. What you don't see as your history.
This is why I do intuitive coaching.
Remember to gift to you Love, you are spirit and spirit loves itself. The personality has a difficult time with liking self because it doesn't trust it self..
Back to working with another: If you didn't come to an agreement, then you could agree to come back and try again. The first time just might be establishing the rules and recognizing how you find it difficult to give and take in a relationship. Also recognize that any kind of change is hard and you want to really let the other person know what a great job they are doing following through with what is promised. Make it rewarding for them and not something that is just plain grueling. Show them how it can be a very wise choice for the both of you.
The final question is why do you want to negotiate? After all, what is in it for you? The big picture explanation is when you and I can sit down and negotiate then the super powers of the world will be able to sit down and negotiate. That is what the angels want from their perspective. Peace within our hearts and peace within the world. That's why they are here on this page teaching you how to not be at war with yourself first and then others.
It's a dream that says, peace begins with me. Imagine...
In sessions with me, we can work on what is really going on in relationships at work, in being a single parent, dating, what to do with your parents, family members, angry partners. I can 'see' what is going on with them and how best to understand what they want?
This insight helps to formulate and approach them with what you want.