Okay what are the baseline rules
Here is what spirit says about communication and negotiation skills in your relationships.
(Leave these angels here on the web unless you negotiate (ask my permission) for them....you certainly don't want to steal an angel.)
Why Communicate with others to get what you desire? Because you have the desire to have your needs met and the existing power to be an angel to yourself and to another.
The other person is also an angel... try and see the other's good quality's and tell them that first. Hey, here is what I really like about you! Here's what you do -do-for me.
Good communication starts with knowing your self well enough to acknowledge that your needs aren't getting met. Also admitting that something is happening inside of you, stirring the desire for you to finally stand up for your self and to treat your self as a real person. So, what do you do first? You go and ask the person if they care enough about 'you' to work things out with you? If they don't care then you have to let go of the situation and move on (forgiving yourself) and then forgiving the other person and then God. Because most of us do blame God some how. This is important (to forgive-truly forgive) so you can let go of that karma and never have to repeat it. The karma is the lesson of the issue that you didn't understand to begin with. If they say yes, they do want to sit down and work things through, well then.....
Think about the other person as if they truly are an angel. Consider that they aren't trying to purposefully hurt you. Consider you might not have their life experiences. That they are wrapped up in their own perspective about the world in which they live. They are doing their best to survive. So give them the benefit of the doubt. Start the conversation knowing how much they value you. You can even acknowledge your appreciation verbally to them because they cared enough to sit down to negotiate with you. Tell them you greatly appreciate their love and their effort. After all we are each convinced by our mind chatter we have the truth in the situation and it usually turns out we didn't have enough information in the situation.
Know what you want to say, before you blurt out confusion. I want this from you, what do you want from me?
Are you hurt, did they do something to hurt you?
The story I have about a client is the husband left the shoes on the floor. The shoes on the floor represented to the wife that she wasn't loved. The husband had no idea that this is what his shoes were saying to her. When he found that out, he put his shoes away. Now this does not mean she was demanding or obsessive on all things. It was just this issue. So it was worked out easily.
Like the wife in that story, you choose to be hurt. No one can truly hurt you, you chose the reaction of hurt. You might not know what is going on? However you must own your part in the situation. Meaning: your stuff or blind spots of what you don't see about yourself or understand is the justified reaction. You are not perfect and neither is the other. You allowed the reaction and you might be frustrated with trying to find the words that really express how the action (not the person) made you feel. You have homework to do before you sit down with the other.
Everyone is here on this planet as an angel is trying to be a human. It's hard to wear this costume. So when you negotiate, don't get mad. Do not bring up the past, their other issues, your frustration, your stuff. It is always our stuff that we heap on to others. They do not have to own our belief system. They do not have to be mind readers and know the ideal behavior we are believing that they should do. The 'should do' is up to us to communicate to them. So don't expect to get anywhere if you are not willing to negotiate. That means you have to give something in return that you might not want to give. It is a two way street, not a one way street. So ask what do you want, here is what I want. Usually it's the same thing. (a happy relationship) Usually, what the people in the relationship need is a vision statement about their common goals and what they are trying to accomplish together. Not the wedding vows. What the agreement is between both parties. What you are hoping for.
If the other person or (even you) can't stop interrupting the other until they are finished talking. Then have some intelligence to ask the other person (sweetly) to listen to you for ten minutes without interruption. You can bring a timer with a bell that rings to the table. Then the other person gets ten minutes, (without your interruption). If you don't know how to express yourself to the highest level of what you are wanting to say, go get a book that speaks about how to do that. Or go seek counseling about your reactions. Negotiation means just that, negotiation. Negotiation means trusting the other to follow through. Can you trust your own self to be an angel and follow through?
Negotiation looks like, I want this, what do you want? Can I follow through to help you with that? Can I praise you for following through because I recognize this isn't easy for you, because it isn't easy for me.
Can you actually trust your self to praise the other when they do negotiate to give you something you want. And each time they do give you what you negotiated for, can you really recognize that it wasn't the easiest thing in the world. Will you remember, (write it on the back of your hand) I need to praise them so they will continue. Remember when you beat someone up, they stop doing for you, because there is no reward in it.
If the person will not listen to you or negotiate, or you don't know how to express what you want. I can help and work with the relationship counseling. We can do a conference call session. Or I can help you with the skills to have the confidence to be able to teach another on why they would want to negotiate with you. A rehearsal of sorts. We can learn these communication skills over the phone. Don't get frustrated and say they should just know what you want. They are frustrated and saying you should just know what they want? Stubbornness and unwillingness makes for aloneness. The payoff is you get to be alone or in a relationship you hate. If you want support, I'm available.
Please e-mail me...I will answer
More on resolution, keep scrolling down:
Know about you, think of how you can be aware of your behavior patterns. Why you react, what is the root cause?
Take the sword of light and cut through your thoughts that don't work for you. Those thoughts that keep you from loving you.
Let a trusted friend help you by telling you what you might not be seeing. We all "see" others behavior pretty clearly.
Remember to gift to you Love, you are spirit and spirit loves itself. The personality has a difficult time with liking self because it doesn't trust it self..
Back to working with another: If you didn't come to an agreement, then you could agree to come back and try again. The first time just might be establishing the rules and recognizing how you find it difficult to give and take in a relationship. Also recognize that any kind of change is hard and you want to really let the other person know what a great job they are doing following through with what is promised. Make it rewarding for them and not something that is just plain grueling. Show them how it can be a very wise choice for both of you.
The final question is why do you want to negotiate? After all, what is in it for you? The big picture explanation is when you and I can sit down and negotiate then the super powers of the world will be able to sit down and negotiate. That is what the angels want from their perspective. Peace within our hearts and peace within the world. That's why they are here on this page teaching you how to not be at war with yourself first and then others.
It's a dream that says, peace begins with me. Imagine...
Conference call with another in a relationship
If the other person will not listen to you or negotiate, or you don't know how to express what you want. I can help and work with the relationship counseling. We can do a conference call session. I have free conference call and would give you the number. Or I can help you with the skills to have the confidence to be able to teach another on why they would want to negotiate with you. A rehearsal of sorts. We can learn these communication skills over the phone. Don't get frustrated and say they should just know what you want. They are frustrated and saying you should just know what they want? Stubbornness and unwillingness makes for aloneness. The payoff is you get to be alone or in a relationship you hate.